As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
