He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
