i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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