First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
