Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
