well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
