It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
