how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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