the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
