We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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