Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
