Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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