So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
