made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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