I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
