I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
are you so shy because you have an std?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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