your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
