Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
