Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
whose parrot is this?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
