but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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