this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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