Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Houston, we have a squirter
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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