Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
