fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
