Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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