He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
