i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
