I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
