I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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