I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
