FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
