saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
