trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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