Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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