There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
