I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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