tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
