fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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