She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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