Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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