The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
