I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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