I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm really busy with my period
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