and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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