Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
