Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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