is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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