I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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