yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
