no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
