I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
