When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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