I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've blown a few things in my day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
