the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
