38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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