So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
