Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
