your thong is hanging out like whoa
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
