All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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