I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
