my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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