i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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