Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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