Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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