sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
