I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
