Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
