is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
