wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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