Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I forget how to act sober
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
