Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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