He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
