New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
