It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
